I've always felt regret over not feeling like I've spent enough time to people close to me, but moreso with my grandparents. When I was younger we lived in the Philippines for 5 years. It was supposed to be the time to take advantage of being around them. We did live with my grandparents for a couple of months during summer vacations and I did get to know my cousins better, but they were spent the way teenagers typically spend their days.
But do I feel like I REALLY got to know my Lolo and Lola and find out more about who they were? Secretly? No. Looking back now I realize not like I could have. Sure stories were shared about my mother growing up as a girl in Manila and what her parent's were like. Sure we chatted with them when we visited them in Manila or when they came to visit us on the Air Force Base on the weekends. But did I really get to spend quality time with them? I don't think so.
I was young when we moved there from Charleston, SC - we lived in the Philippines when I was 11 until I was 16. At that age the only things that ran through my head were school, friends and when I'd be able to move back to the States to something more famliar to me. I mean they'll be around forever, right?
And then 5 years later we were actually moving back to South Carolina. They would visit us, of course. And they did. By that time I was in high school and they were staying for two months in Goose Creek with us. I remember them being in the house chatting with us in between us rushing to get to school or to a party or to be with friends. Occasionally my brother and I would take my Lolo to the movies (he loved movies at the theater). But we had two whole months to spend time with them. I had time.
I distinctly remember a time I came home from school and they were at home watching TV quietly. No one was there. I asked them if they had lunch. "No we're fine".
"Are you sure? I don't mind picking something up for you."
"No go ahead and have lunch. Let me make something for you." My Lola was such a sweet person. She loved to cook. It actually made her cry if you didn't eat.
"No Lola let me pick up something for you guys. You're on vacation". I didn't know how to cook then. I did know that they loved Chinese food. Seafood was best. I ran to the local Chinese restaurant and brought them a couple of dishes. They ate, of course (they hadn't eaten to that point). They would never ever complain about anything. I felt awful.
And then just as quick they went back to the Philippines. I was so consumed with my social calendar that time flew by before I knew it. I'd make it up to them. I promise.
That was almost 19 years ago. Married now and about to have our first child I look back at those missed opportunities. I even recently got into a conversation with my cousin in the Philippines, Lester, over the Instant Messenger about how I wished I could've spent more time with them when we lived there. He was right, though. We meant well. We just get caught up in our own lives. It's ok. Right? RIGHT?
It really sunk in after my Lolo passed away eight years ago from cancer right before my wedding. I never got to say goodbye to him. My Lolo was an easy going man always quick to laugh. Short with a belly, a very sharp mind and a clear, deep voice. I remember my mother telling me all my cousins and siblings were having dreams of him saying goodbye to them shortly after his passing, except me. I wondered why. One night shortly after I moved to Florida I did. In it I was cooking and asking him what he would like to have for breakfast while we were at my parent's house. "Nothing. Erick don't worry about me. I'm fine now." The only difference in the dream was he was so skinny, but it was definitely him. His voice was clear as a bell and he was smiling. I always felt that that was his way of saying goodbye and telling me that I shouldn't beat myself up.
I've been yearning to see his site and see my Lola at their house ever since. It was always in the back of my mind that she was not going to be around for very long without him. There could have been opportunities over the years if I tried harder or made better plans. "Next year I'll go back and see Lola and say goodbye to Lolo. Or the year after when we go to Japan. Maybe after we have the baby..."
I haven't yet. But then again, there will always be another chance.
My Lola passed away quietly in her sleep last night. At 3 am my mother called me from Charleston to inform me of the news. We all knew it was going to happen soon after she was discharged from the hospital recently and I was busy over the weekend trying to get my mother to be with Lola on her last days. Since I couldn't go I was determined to at least make sure my mom was home to see hers. I called my mom tonight to apologize. I felt awful about her not being able to get home soon enough. She assured me things were fine, not to worry and that I had did all I could to expedite things for her. She's leaving this Tuesday for the Philippines to get things squared away with her brothers and sister.
I love my grandparents. I'm just sorry that I took their time here for granted. Everything I did from the time I got married to now I've tried to emulate after them. My Lolo and Lola lived full lives and took care of each other without ever raising their voices at one another. My Lolo always provided for my Lola and made sure his children grew up to also be good parents and look out for each other. I can only hope to be as good a husband and father as him. I miss them, but know that they're finally back together.
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I was so upset after he passed, because I spoke with Lolo and promised him I was trying my best to make it to see him. I didn't have the money, but I had every intention of getting it together to see him and help care for him. I didn't know I didn't have that much time. That night, I dreamt I was in his hospital room, and he was getting out of his bed while in his gown. I asked him not to, that he shouldn't be getting up. He told me, "I'm not sick anymore! See, I'm fine now, so don't worry anymore, Len..." He hugged me and told me goodbye, and I told him how much I loved him...I agree I wish I hadn't put visiting the PI off so long. But you're right...we were kids. We didn't know.
I remember getting the call when Lolo passed away and remember calling Uncle Nani and then your mom. Last Saturday was such a painful repeat since as before I took the call and had to break the news. I got so frazzled I blanked out on your mom's number and had to call Rachel.
Know that both Lolo and Lola loved all of us. Nothing in this world had made them happier than to see all of us settle in our path in life. Both their legacy and life lives on with all of us and we honor it by living our lives to the fullest.
I miss them both so very much and have my own "what if's and "should have's" but content in knowing that I loved them and I was loved by them in return.
Both good points. I just wish I had taken the opportunity to know more about themselves and their histories. Just some of the stories that were passed onto me from our family were so insightful about who they are and were. I had just hoped to get some from them firsthand. Both amazing people and I'll miss them greatly.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Lola Erick. I bet they are both looking down on you so proudly now though, watching you get ready to be a new dad.
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